It was on the way home that I got ready to slip out of my holiday bliss and into tough love parenting mode! You see my youngest Bridget now 13 is in the 7th grade at LMS this year and I don't know why but there is something about Junior High girls here in La Grande. As all of the grade schools merge into the one middle school one would think that excitement would fill the air. The prospect of making new friends and looking forward to spending the next six years together playing sports, joining the band or choir, and being able to take some fun classes along with the boring old required ones would fill all their hearts with joy.?. It did mine when I was that age.
But you couldn't be farther from the truth now days. If that is what you believe happens when you enter Junior High....especially when it comes to the girls let me clarify something for you. Instead they become involved in these horrible little clicks and there is always one group that will make it their mission in life to see to it that all the other girls in the school are made miserable by gossiping and spreading horrible rumors about other girls. This hateful little group of girls can turn the world upside down for the on lookers. Now not only do they torment other kids while at school now you have Face Book and cell phones where they strive to be in constant contact with each other and have no filter as to what is appropriate and what should never be posted on the Internet. Girls don't have good old fashioned diaries anymore....no they post their every thought and feeling on the INTERNET for the whole world to read! It also amazes me how many times you can hold your cell phone out in front of your face and take your own picture on a daily basis!
So as a parent I have watched my daughter trying to make new friends because her two very best friends moved away over the summer. It has been seven months and she is still trying to find her place in the social ranking and just fit in. My youngest had always been one who stood up for what she knew was right and voiced her opinions. But even her strength was put to test over the last few weeks. The group of girls that she had run around with the past couple of years started making choices that effected the way that she was being treated. It was her turn to be hung out to dry. So she has struggled again to make some new friends and a couple of new girls started coming over to the house they were always nice and respectful so I had let B go over to their house one day. After spending most of the day with these new friends she called and wanted to eat dinner at the girls house so I told her that she could but that I would pick her up afterwards because the next day was Easter and that is a day you spend with your family.
Imagine my surprise when I pick her up at 9 pm and as I am driving back home I realize that I can smell alcohol and I know that I haven't been drinking! In disbelief I look at my 13 year old and ask, "Why do I smell alcohol?" She replies because her Mom was drinking and spilled it on me. Well I wasn't born yesterday so as soon as I pull in the driveway I get out of the car and meet B at the front of the car. "So now you can blow in my face because if that smell is coming from your clothes then I won't smell it on your breath!!!" This is the same kid that has watched the turmoil we have all been through with my older daughter and her battle with drug addiction. The same kid who states on numerous occasions that she is never going to do drugs because she doesn't want to hurt herself or her family like her sisters addiction has. I tell her that she needs to go in the house and that we aren't finished yet.
The rest of that evening she is hysterical because I'm not going to let her be friends with that girl anymore and that I have some thinking to do so she goes to bed. I sat and thought about what I was going to do because in reality I am scared to death and just knew that I had to make the right decisions so that B didn't head down that same road J did just a few years before. We celebrated Easter that next day with my parents as I said and then when we got home the first thing B asks is........Can I go hang out with so n so? I looked at her in disbelief and said are you crazy? About 1/2 hour later she comes and tells me that the girls Mom wants to talk to me well J overhears this conversation and she recognizes the girls name and completely looses it. This woman is someone that she knows uses drugs! I look at B and told her that no I was not going to speak to the Mom because I didn't have anything to say to her that would be very nice.
By now it is time for her to go to bed so my husband and I just looked at each other then we started discussing our plan of action. (this is the crucial step that we missed with J and her life was forever changed because of it) I went and got B's cell phone after she was asleep and checked her text messages with this girl. It just got better and better B: Why is your Mom gonna talk to my Mom?
G: She's gonna talk to her so that you can hang out over here
B: Well I don't think that will happen because she knows your Mom does drugs and doesn't want me around that. Oh and if she talks to my Mom tell her she can't tell her that I tried smoking
ME: WHAT OH MY GOD!
G: Oh she said she won't
After reading the text to Dean we decided on a course of action or I decided and he is going to back me up.
- No cell phone for a month
- No Face book
- Grounded for a month
- Change my work schedule to 7 am - 4 pm so that Dean can take the kids to school but then I will be home right when she gets off the bus after school
This morning she called me at work and wanted to know where her cell phone was and I politely told her that I had it and that she wasn't going to have it for awhile. This set her in a foul mood and of course everything was stupid. I calmly told her that I would be picking her up right after school..when she inquired as to why I was picking her up. Again I calmly told her that we were going to have a talk.
So at 3 pm I picked her up in front of the middle school and when we got home I took her in the living room and I looked her straight in the eye and explained how disappointed I was that for the first time she had lied to me and had made some really poor choices. Because of that there are serious consequences. Explained 1-4 above to her and that if in fact the girls Mom did call I would love to explain to her why my child was not ever going to come to her house again! AND that she was very lucky I didn't call the police on her for furnishing alcohol & tobacco to minors!
After 30 - 45 minutes of me crying and talking to her she went from really mad & quiet then she cried for a little bit but mostly just listened to me. When I was through with what I had to say I told her that I loved her and that some day she would thank me for helping her stay true to herself. She looked at me and it was almost like she was relieved the rest of the night was very pleasant visiting & spending time with her. There was not one word said about the no cell phone or no Face book like I had expected. I feel so good having been firm and strong. I grew as a parent today and I am very proud of myself!
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