It is hard to believe that 20 years ago my husband and I started our lives together as a married couple. It has been full of many memories and I would be lying if I said it hasn't been hard work all marriages are if they are worthwhile. For our anniversary we went to the Aerosmith Concert in Tacoma, WA it was a wonderful trip! It was really nice to get away for a couple of days just the two of us.
Over the last 20 years we have built a life together we have four beautiful children that are growing up way too fast! Being a wife and parent have made my life a good one I feel blessed. Being a parent has been the most rewarding job of my life...but it has had it's share of challenges. You hold your children when they are babies and have hopes and dreams for them. That their lives will be full of new adventures and that they will live full happy lives. Then they enter junior high and the real work begins. I have tried to always make my children feel that they are important and special. You spend your time trying to build up their self esteem so that they realize what a miracle they are and how much they mean to you. I have not always had the money to give my kids everything that they need but have been very fortunate to have parents that have helped me fill in those times when money has been tight and I will never be able to express to them how very much that has meant to both me and my kids.
As I said the most challenging times started when they entered junior high it seems that is a real turning point in a child's life these days. There are so many things pulling them in different directions and all they want is to be heard and to fit in. Fitting in is harder because you are now in a larger class trying to make friends that will be a positive influence and not tear them down as they struggle to make good choices. There are so many clicks that it is really hard to figure out just where you fit in. Our youngest will be in 8th grade this year and will be starting the new year trying to make new friends and she is still trying to figure out just where she fits in. I have noticed that it was easier for our son to find his niche and feel good about who he is. But for the girls it seems that this was the turning point struggling with self esteem, body image, and feeling like they are being judged at every turn.
I have spent many hours with them in tears because of the way other kids have treated them. Watching them have their self esteem torn down to the quick and then their attempts to escape the pain that this causes them. This has been the hardest to watch as a parent. I have tried as a parent to help them rediscover their self confidence and self worth but it has been a real uphill battle. With my 19 year old I didn't see the signs of her escaping into a world that she nor I ever thought she would and for the first time since she was 14 I think that she is finally on the road to healing some of those scars. I have learned allot over the last five years more then any parent wants to have to go through with their child but it has also made us closer if there can be a positive side to all she has had to go through.
This last year when my 13 year old started to make some of the same choices I was better prepared to see the signs when she started down the same path of escape that J had taken. This time I was able to put an end to some self destructive behaviors and choices that I only wish I could have done for J. But while the battle will be different for B I only pray that I can be there for her to listen to her needs and help her learn to deal with life's challenges in a positive manner.
I am scared for both of my younger girls hoping that J can stay on her road to recovery and live up to her potential as she moves out, goes to college and works towards building a life for herself. While my hopes for B are much the same I hope that she can find peace and confidence that she is a beautiful young lady and has so much to offer. I want to help her understand that the kids that are mean saying hateful things trying to tear her down just aren't worth her time. But when you are 14 all you want is to be accepted for who you are and for others to see that your opinions matter. You hope that you won't be the target for the bullies at school. I am encouraging her to stay involved in sports, choir, art and the other things that she loves, not letting others decide the path that she will take.
Our son starts high school this year and I am making him stay involved in sports at school because I think it is important for him to continue he is talented when it comes to football and wrestling. The hard thing about sports in a small school is that sometimes real talent is overlooked if you don't come from the "right" family. But he also has a love of hunting, fishing, motorcycles and anything to do with the outdoors which I think is a positive influence so I encourage that as well. He is very quiet and it is hard to know what he is thinking or feeling most of the time. I think that might be something pretty common in boys because most of his friends seem to be the same way.
So with the school year only weeks away my goals are to keep the lines of communication open with our kids, really listen to what they have to say. Making it a priority to spend time eating a home cooked dinner together each night discussing how the day has went for each of them. In years past it has been easy to fall out of this habit being tired after work not cooking dinner but instead grabbing some fast food and letting everyone do their own thing while we eat. I remember growing up we always ate dinner together and visited about our day and how good it felt knowing that my parents made the time for that and cared about what we were doing and feeling. I think when we let life get too busy it is sometimes easy to forget the little things like just checking in with each other. Because even though I have always cared how my kids and Dean's day went I don't think that I have always shown it and that is not good. In fact it often makes me sad that my kids might have needed for me to listen and maybe I didn't take the time. So that is my goal for this school year to make sure that I am there to listen no matter how tired I am or what has gone on in my work day. Who knows maybe I have needed to talk about my day and have them listen and I wouldn't have felt so worn out at the end of the day!
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