The past two months have flown by. I am not really sure where the summer has gone. Here it is Fall and the two youngest are off to school again on Tuesday while J is still away at rehab in Iowa. J has made some progress and is now in the third phase of her inpatient treatment program. While it has been hard having her so far away I don't know that it would have worked as well as it has had she been closer to home. I really have to thank my sister who after being blindsided by Jessica's continued use, took charge of this crisis. I don't know what I would do without her. I know that as much as I love my daughter I was not able to devote the strength and unwavering structure that she needed.
My sister along with hours of counseling, family support and soul searching over the last few months has made me feel like I have discovered my core morals and ideals again. That is an amazing feeling. I have been able to break through some of the fog that I like to call the gray areas that had slowly formed in my mind over the past few years. There is "Right" and "Wrong" it is very important to remember that and not allow yourself the chance to explain away why you are letting something happen that has a clear NO answer. So now I take care of myself and my children. In the past I have tried to help anyone and everyone being the co-dependent that I am.
But "Co-dependent No More" & working through the questions at the end of each chapter has given me a solid foundation to make some changes. I have really been working on being in touch with MY feelings and listening to them. I have lost 12 pounds and am feeling stronger everyday. I have noticed that everything else seems to be heading toward falling into place and I feel like I deserve for it to do just that! I'm not all the sudden cured by any means but I have done a lot of self talk in these last few weeks...telling myself that I am beautiful just the way I am and meaning it & standing up straight and walking tall again.
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