A Year to Remember

Looking back on this past year it has been a rough one for my family, considering that a week before Christmas last year I was driving my then 16 year old to a drug treatment facility 3 hours from our home. We started realizing something was very wrong around Thanksgiving time last year and when the first trip to rehab didn't work out so well I kept thinking if I can just keep her alive until the end of the school year she will be fine. That line of thinking was due to the fact that my sister who lives in Iowa had offered for her to come and be a nanny to her 18 month old daughter for the summer so she could have time to work on her doctorate. I have blogged earlier about the earlier parts of J's trip to Iowa and her subsequent trip straight into a rehab facility there. My sister saved my daughter's life!

After a four month stay in rehab J got to come home to us. This time she had much better results from the time in treatment she has a new outlook on life and staying sober living it. I have taken many moments during this holiday season to reflect on how different this year has been compared to last year. From watching J shop for her brother and sister's gifts to just watching her sit and visit with them I am just amazed at how far she has come. I realize now how much I had just been praying that she would still be alive for this Christmas! The reminders of last year have been more pronounced these last couple weeks as the holidays approached us.

The most ah-ha moment was when we went and got the artificial tree out of storage and our decorations so that we could decorate the house all of us together. My husband wanted to go get a live tree but I had this strong sense of need to use the tree from last year. I finally came to realize as the three of my kids put up and decorated it why it was so important to me or what memories it would unlock for me helping me to put the pieces of the past year together helping me to move forward.

You see it was last year just a few days before Christmas last year when my parents and aunt came over to visit and bring our presents to put under our tree only to find that there wasn't one. When my Mom asked me why we didn't have one I simply said, "Oh since we are driving to Boise to spend the day with J I didn't see any reason to put one up. Just can't get in the spirit this year." My Mom seeing the look in my son's eyes took him in the other room and then they came back to announce that they would be right back. About 30 minutes later they appeared with this tree and boxes of ornaments which they proceeded to put up. I remember thinking that I was so worried about J that I hadn't even given thought to how this was affecting B & B or how rotten it was that I hadn't decorated for them! They really wanted a tree but had never mentioned a word to me because they had realized what a hard time I was having.

So I needed that little tree that was so special last year to be a part of this year as well. I have sat in the evenings these past couple weeks just watching the lights twinkle against the tinsel. Bringing this experience full circle for me. I really need to remember when one child is in crisis the others still need you too for I was not the only one that J's using was affecting B & B and D for that matter were hurting too. But the one thought that was always strongest in my mind is how blessed we all are having a sober J home with us this year and what a difference a year can make. J is now in her Senior year of high school set to graduate this spring and continues to work for sobriety by attending meetings everyday, support groups and her counseling weekly. She is remaining strong in her sobriety and I pray for her everyday that she will continue to make the right choices and live her life to the fullest.