Well it has been almost four months since we brought our daughter J home from in patient drug treatment and I have to say it has been a rough road to travel. It is much harder being a teen and trying to start your life over clean and sober. Much to my surprise teenagers are less forgiving then adults.
Eight years ago last week I started my own journey into recovery and my friends at the time were all supportive and helped me through that tough first few months. Teenagers are the exact opposite they all run and disappear leaving my daughter raw from treatment only to find herself totally alone. I don't know how many sleepless nights I spent lying next to her on her bed while she cried herself to sleep feeling abandoned by them all. She hated going to school but I would make her go only to have her come home each afternoon feeling more alone then the next. She said its amazing that you can be in a place full of people and have everyone act like you dont even exist.
In the last couple weeks three or four of her old friends have started talking to her again but she still is really struggling to feel accepted or any sort of happiness at all for that matter. It really hit home tonight when I picked her up from NA and on the way home she looked at me with tears in her eyes and said tonight is my Junior Prom. No dress, no date, no coursage, no ticket she was left to come home and watch tv with us wishing that things could only be different.
She attends her counseling appointments, NA, and an opiate support group weekly and is making an honest effort to stay clean. She has stumbled a couple times only to find herself sitting on the couch and crying to me that she wishes she wasn't a pill fiend. It breaks my heart having to watch her go through this. I keep finding myself wishing and wondering if only I could go back to when she was little what could I have done to have prevented all this from happening to her.. I would give anything to be able to go back and make this alright for her. I know in my heart that she will get through this but it makes me really sad that these have to be her memories from her high school experience. I have such fond memories of my teenage years, look forward to class reunions and running into old classmates here in town.
I guess all I can do for now is just be there for her and pray each day that she will choose to not use and come home safe to me. I also pray that her younger brother and sister will have learned something having watched her go through this. After seeing how truely painful and lonely she has been when they are presented the opportunity to use drugs they will strongly stand up and say NO! I love my children more then life itself and only want the very best for them. So the journey continues and I will keep you posted.
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