Sixteen Years of Motherhood!

Yesterday my oldest turned sixteen it is so hard to believe. I have found myself watching our home videos allot lately. Telling myself that I am getting them ready to archive them onto DVD's and want to get them all lined up in order, but the truth is I just am a sap and am missing those days when they were all so little.

Parenting is something that they should tell you that you aren't going to have all the answers and that you are going to be learning as much from your children as they learn from you. As they get older you will find that the choices you make on things they will be allowed to do will not always be popular or understood by others in your immediate family but you need to remember that only you know your child and your situation the best. Bottom line you should follow your heart.

My daughter J wants to travel overseas to visit G, the young man now 19 still living at home while attending college, in The Netherlands alone over Christmas Break. I was informed, via an email sent to all three of us girls and my parents by one of my sisters, that "But she cannot go on a trip unsupervised, no matter who she is meeting on the other side of the ocean. Period. It's just not safe. And I think J is being set up for a big disappointment the longer you don't come out and say, "J, you are too young to go to Europe alone." She might hate you for it now, but it's not your job to have her like you; it's your job to protect her. And letting her go to Europe alone is the opposite of protecting her. It's irresponsible. There, I've said it. I would not be able to live with myself if something happened to her and I didn't speak out for fear of making anyone mad. I think there's some things where it's OK to stick my nose into other family members' business. I would say the same thing about any of the kids, because I love all of our kids more than I can express. "

My first reaction was one of anger and feeling hurt that she told me that I was a bad parent if I allowed my daughter to go on this trip but because I love my sister so much and for fear of hurting her feelings I didn't respond in anyway to this email. But now Dean and I as J's parents took it into consideration along with the other information that we had already been discussing facts like we have known G for ten months, have met his real parents from The Netherlands's, and his host parents from our community whose 17 year old daughter just returned home from a 2 week visit traveling alone to The Netherlands & Spain where she stayed with G and his parents home just as my daughter would if she went.

I have spoke with the host parents and asked them how their daughter's trip went & talked with one of J's high school teachers who taught & lived in France for a year what he thought about allowing J to take this trip before her father and I came to a decision. Oh and I also contacted G's parents and made sure that they would be meeting J at the airport with G and that if a day trip to Amsterdam were planned at all during her visit that they would not be allowed to go to the red light district (just to lighten this a little lol).

My husband and I have come to the decision together that one of J's birthday presents was her passport and a ticket to go see G during Christmas Break this year her Junior Year of High School and she is a very mature 16 year old (this is also the feeling of her counselor, the teacher I mentioned earlier and several other adults in her life). So I guess the moral of my story is that your children are going to grow up fast take lots of pictures & movies and as far as parenting you have to take it day by day. Child by Child. Remebering that you will always be offered lots of advice from everyone around you but, as long as you do your research and discuss decisions with your spouse/partner and present decisions as a united front to your children and then stick to and defend those decisions, then you are the best parent for your children just the way God intended it to be!